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| Post Number: 31
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Krusty 
Group: Members
Posts: 222
Joined: Mar. 2005
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Posted on: Nov. 21 2006,4:30 pm |
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An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, I hate to
ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are
Divorcing. Forty-five years of misery is enough.
Pop, what are you talking about, the son screams.
We can't stand the sight of each other any longer the old man says.
We're sick and tired of each other, and I'm sick of talking about
this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her. And he hangs up.
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.
Like heck they're getting a divorce, she shouts. I'll take care of
this.
She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man, You are NOT
getting divorced! Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling
my brother back and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then don't do a
thing, DO YOU HEAR ME? And she hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone, smiles and turns to his wife. They're
coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way.
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| Post Number: 32
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ICU812
Group: Super Administrators
Posts: 3244
Joined: Aug. 2003
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Posted on: Nov. 27 2006,11:29 am |
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Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
Panties not best thing on earth! But next to best thing on earth.
War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
Crowded elevator smell different to midget
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| Post Number: 33
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bianca
Group: Members
Posts: 1882
Joined: Dec. 2006
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Posted on: Dec. 28 2006,6:56 pm |
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This man goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful woman wave at him and say," hello."
He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he knows her from.
So he says, "Do you know me?"
To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???"
She looks into his eyes and calmly says, "No, I'm your son's math teacher." 
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I believe in the patriotism and energy and initiative of the average man. Woodrow Wilson
Early in life, I had to choose between honest arrogance and hypocritical humility. — Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)
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| Post Number: 34
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hymiebravo
Group: Members
Posts: 4989
Joined: Jan. 2006
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Posted on: Dec. 29 2006,12:51 pm |
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| Quote | | "No, I'm your son's math teacher." |
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| Post Number: 35
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GEOKARJO
Google This!!!
Group: Members
Posts: 7799
Joined: Aug. 2003
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Posted on: Jan. 12 2007,3:01 pm |
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I'm somewhat of a Viking's Fan, but this is still funny!
A guy from Minnesota dies and is sent to Hell.
He had been a horrible man his entire life.
The devil puts him to work breaking up
rocks with a sledge hammer. To make it worse, he cranks up the
temperature and the humidity.
After a couple of days, the devil checks
in on his victim to see if he is suffering
adequately.
The devil is aghast as the Minnesotan
is happily swinging his hammer and whistling a
happy tune.
The devil walks up to him and says, "I
don't understand this. I've turned the heat way up,
it's humid, you're crushing rocks; why are you so
happy?"
The Minnesotan, with a big smile,
looks at the devil and replies, "This is great! It
reminds me of August in Minnesota. Hot, humid, a
good place to work. It reminds me of home. This is
fantastic!"
The devil, extremely perplexed, walks
away to ponder the Minnesotan's remarks. Then he
decides to drop the temperature, send down a
driving rain and torrential wind.
Soon, Hell is a wet, muddy mess.
Walking in mud up to his knees with dust
blowing into his eyes, the Minnesotan is happily
slogging through the mud pushing a wheelbarrow full
of crushed rocks.
Again, the devil asks how he can be happy
in such conditions.
The Minnesotan replies, "This is
great! Just like April in Minnesota. It reminds me
of working out in the yard with spring planting!"
The devil is now completely baffled but
more determined to make the Minnesotan suffer.
He makes the temperature plummet.
Suddenly Hell is blanketed in snow and ice.
Confident that this will surely make
the Minnesotan unhappy, the devil checks in on
him.
He is again aghast at what he sees. The
Minnesotan is dancing, singing, and twirling his
sledgehammer as he cavorts in glee.
"How can you be so happy? Don't you know
its 40 below zero!? " screams the devil.
Jumping up and down, the Minnesotan
throws a snowball at the devil and yells, "Hell's
frozen over! This means the Vikings won the Super Bowl!"
Q: What do you call 47 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A: The Minnesota Vikings.
Q: What do the Vikings and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".
Q: How do you keep a Minnesota Viking out of your yard?
A: Put up goal posts.
Q: Where do you go in Minneapolis in case of a tornado?
A: To the Metro Dome - they never get a touchdown there!
Q: What do you call a Minnesota Viking with a Super Bowl ring?
A: a thief.
Q: What's the difference between the Minnesota Vikings and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
Q: How many Minnesota Vikings does it take to win a Super Bowl?
A: Nobody knows and we will never find out.
Q: What do the Minnesota Vikings and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home (and get killed on the road)
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| Post Number: 36
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GEOKARJO
Google This!!!
Group: Members
Posts: 7799
Joined: Aug. 2003
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Posted on: Jan. 15 2007,12:12 pm |
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LAWYERS SHOULD NEVER ASK A MEXICAN GRANDMA A QUESTION IF THEY AREN'T PREPARED FOR THE ANSWER.
IN A TRIAL, IN A SMALL TOWN in TEXAS , A
PROSECUTING ATTORNEY CALLED HIS FIRST WITNESS, A MEXICAN GRANDMOTHER, AN ELDERLY WOMAN TO THE STAND.
HE APPROACHED HER AND ASKED, MRS SANCHEZ,"DO YOU KNOW ME?"
SHE RESPONDED, "SI, I MEANA, YES I KNOW YOU MR. WILLIAMS. I KNOWN YOU
SINCE YOU WERE A CHAVALITO AND FRANKLY YOU'VE BEEN A BIG DISAPPOINTMENT TO ME. YOU LIE, YOU CHEAT ON YOUR WIFE, AND YOU MANIPULATE PEOPLE AND TALK ABOUT THEM BEHIND THEIR BACKS. YOU THINK YOU'RE A BIG SHOT WHEN YOU HAVEN'T THE BRAINS TO REALIZE YOU WILL NEVER AMOUNT TO NOTHIN' BUT A TWO BIT! PAPERPUSHER. YES I KNOW YOU."
THE LAWYER WAS STUNNED. NOT KNOWING WHAT ELSE TO DO, HE POINTED ACROSS THE ROOM AND ASKED, MRS. SANCHEZ, DO YOU KNOW THE DEFENSE ATTORNEY?
SHE AGAIN REPLIED, "WHY YESH I DO. I'VE KNOWN MR. RODRIGUEZ SINCE HE WAS A CHAVALITO TOO. HE'S LAZY, GORDO, AND HE HAS A DRINKING PROBLEM. HE CAN'T HAVE A NORMAL RELATIONSHIP WITH NOBODY AND HE HAS THE WORST LAW PRACTICE IN THE STATE. HA! AND NOT TO MENTION HE CHEATED ON HIS WIFE WITH THREE DIFFERENT PUTAS. ONE OF THEM WAS YOUR WIFE. YOU MEMBER? I
KNOW MR. RODRIGUEZ, HIS MAMA IS NOT PROUD OF HIM."
THE DEFENSE ATTORNEY ALMOST DIED. THE JUDGE ASKED BOTH COUNSELORS TO APPROACH THE BENCH AND IN A VERY QUIET VOICE SAID, "IF EITHER OF YOU IDIOTS ASK HER IF SHE KNOWS ME, I"LL SEND YOU TO THE ELECTRIC CHAIR.
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| Post Number: 37
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GEOKARJO
Google This!!!
Group: Members
Posts: 7799
Joined: Aug. 2003
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Posted on: Jan. 18 2007,12:05 pm |
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Funny Video
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| Post Number: 38
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grassman
Group: Members
Posts: 3858
Joined: Mar. 2006
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Posted on: Jan. 18 2007,1:28 pm |
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| Quote (GEOKARJO @ Jan. 12 2007,3:01pm) | Q: What do you call a Minnesota Viking with a Super Bowl ring?
A: a thief. |
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git er done!
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| Post Number: 39
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GEOKARJO
Google This!!!
Group: Members
Posts: 7799
Joined: Aug. 2003
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Posted on: Jan. 19 2007,2:59 pm |
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Funny Bill Board
Attached Image
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| Post Number: 40
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Big Dog
Group: Members
Posts: 18
Joined: Jan. 2007
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Posted on: Jan. 21 2007,2:19 pm |
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www.slabearkazad.com/sniff/
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