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| Post Number: 721
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usmcr 
Group: Members
Posts: 922
Joined: Sep. 2003
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Posted on: Aug. 09 2012,4:19 pm |
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timely joke!
a cannibal entered the meat market to buy something nice for dinner. the owner greeted him and told him to look around. the cannibal began to inspect the meat case & noticed the market specialized item of brain.
upon further inspection he noticed a marked disparity between the costs of the brain meats. a carpenters brain sells for $1.50 per lb., a plumbers brain sells for $2.25 per lb. he noticed with alarm that a politicians brain was selling for $375.00 per lb. with much curiosity he asked the owner why the huge difference in price between the similar meats.
the owner responded with a deadpan look on his face, "do you realize how many politicians it takes to get a lb. of brains?
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"Do not confuse dissent with disloyalty" Edward R Murrow
Memento homo quia pulvis es, et in pulverem veverteris
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| Post Number: 722
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usmcr
Group: Members
Posts: 922
Joined: Sep. 2003
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Posted on: Aug. 09 2012,4:29 pm |
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additional ipad use!
i was visiting my daughter & son-in-law last night when i asked if i could borrow a newspaper.
"this is the 21st century." the son-in-law said. "we don't waste money on newspapers. here you can borrow my ipad."
i can tell you that fly never knew what hit him.
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"Do not confuse dissent with disloyalty" Edward R Murrow
Memento homo quia pulvis es, et in pulverem veverteris
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| Post Number: 723
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Self-Banished
Group: Members
Posts: 22561
Joined: Feb. 2006
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Posted on: Aug. 09 2012,5:08 pm |
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Still love my all time favorite punch line,
Wrecked him? Damned near killed him!
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 Remember boys and girls,
Don’t be a Dick …
Or a “Wayne” 
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| Post Number: 724
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Glad I Left
Group: Members
Posts: 2302
Joined: Aug. 2005
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Posted on: Oct. 16 2012,2:31 pm |
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I should have added this to ALCI's facebook page... errrr the Obama is smartest most honest (puke) page... but I didn't wanna contribute the ongoing diatribes of both sides...
so I will just put it here... since it is a joke... kinda....
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After we screw up health care reform, let's take on the initiative of unscrewing the education system (gov't education)
Tacitus: (c. 56 AD-c. 117) "The more corrupt the state, the more it legislates."
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| Post Number: 725
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This is my real name
Group: Members
Posts: 1468
Joined: Sep. 2006
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Posted on: Oct. 26 2012,1:50 pm |
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I would like to share an experience with you all about drinking and driving. As you well know some of us have been known to have had rare brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd social session over the years.
A couple of nights ago I was out for a few drinks with some friends and had a few too many beers and some shots. Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit I did something I’ve never done before… I took a bus home.
Sure enough, as it was a bus, they waved it through and I passed the DUI checkpoint.
I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise, as I have never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got it!
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PEZ the only candy you eat after your favorite fictional character spits it out of their tracheotomy hole.
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| Post Number: 726
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usmcr
Group: Members
Posts: 922
Joined: Sep. 2003
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Posted on: Dec. 10 2012,11:08 am |
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Here's one for the golfers:
a scratch golfer hits his ball three hundred yards straight down the fairway, it hits a sprinkler herd & careens off into the woods. he finds the ball but trees surround it. he is pissed, says what the hell, grabs his nine iron & hits the ball as hard as he can. it bounces off a tree back at the golfers head & kills him.
he arrives in heaven, and God himself is at the pearly gates to greet him. looking up his records, God sees that the guy golfs & says "are you any good"?
the golfer looks at God and says, "i got here in two didn't I"!
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"Do not confuse dissent with disloyalty" Edward R Murrow
Memento homo quia pulvis es, et in pulverem veverteris
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| Post Number: 727
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usmcr
Group: Members
Posts: 922
Joined: Sep. 2003
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Posted on: Dec. 10 2012,11:14 am |
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one for your Doctor!
a pipe burst in a doctor's house. he called a plumber. the plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did a mysterious plumber-type things for awhile, and handed the doctor a bill for $600. the doctor exclaimed, "this is ridiculous! i don't even make that much as a doctor!" the plumber quietly answered, "neither did i when i was a doctor."
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"Do not confuse dissent with disloyalty" Edward R Murrow
Memento homo quia pulvis es, et in pulverem veverteris
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| Post Number: 728
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usmcr
Group: Members
Posts: 922
Joined: Sep. 2003
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Posted on: Feb. 09 2013,11:35 am |
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Me & Leroy:
a guy stopped at a local gas station,and after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. he stood by his car and drank his cola and watched a couple of men working along side the road. one man would dig a hole about two or three feet deep and then move along. the other man came along behind him and filled in the hole. the men worked right on past the man with the cola and continued down the road. i can not stand this said the man as threw his can in the trash and heading down toward the men digging and filling the holes. hold it ,hold it he said to the men, can you tell me what is going on here with all the digging and filling of the holes? well, we work for the government and we are just doing our jobs! but one of you is digging the holes and the other is filling them up. you are not accomplishing anything! aren't you wasting taxpayers money? you do not understand mister, one of the men said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow. normally there's three of us: me, elmer & leroy. i dig the hole, elmer sticks the tree in the hole & leroy here puts the dirt back in the hole covering the roots of the tree. elmers job has been cut so now it is just me & leroy!
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"Do not confuse dissent with disloyalty" Edward R Murrow
Memento homo quia pulvis es, et in pulverem veverteris
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| Post Number: 729
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grassman
Group: Members
Posts: 3858
Joined: Mar. 2006
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Posted on: Feb. 15 2013,4:11 pm |
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git er done!
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