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Post Number: 1
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cpu_slave
Group: Members
Posts: 297
Joined: Aug. 2003
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Posted on: Sep. 26 2003,11:07 am |
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You don't have to own a cat to appreciate this one...
A couple was dressed and ready to go out for the evening. They turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on the phone line, covered their pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. They phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and the couple opened the front door to leave their house. The cat they had put out into the yard scoots back into the house.
They don't want the cat shut in the house because "she" always tries to eat the bird. The wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, the man in hot pursuit.
The wife doesn't want the driver to know the house will be empty, so she explains to the taxi driver that her husband will be out soon. "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."
A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," he says, as they drive away.
"Stupid b!tch was hiding under the bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked. I hauled her fat a$$ downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!"
The cabdriver hit a parked car...
-------------- An age is called Dark, not because the light fails to shine, but because people refuse to see it.-James A. Michener Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.-Albert Einstein Wise men learn more from fools than fools from wise men.- Marcus Cato
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Post Number: 2
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Bubba
Group: Members
Posts: 94
Joined: Aug. 2003
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Posted on: Oct. 15 2003,6:28 pm |
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Slave, this is an old one which has come back with cats. The first time I heard it, it was about dogs.
Four men were bragging about how smart their cats are. The first man was an engineer, the second man was an accountant, the third man was a chemist, the fourth was a government worker.
To show off, the engineer called to his cat, "T-square, do your stuff."
T-square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.
But the accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, "Spreadsheet, do your stuff." Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each. Everyone agreed that was good.
But the chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, "Measure, do your stuff." Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was good.
Then the three men turned to the government worker and said, "What can your cat do?"
The government worker called to his cat and said, "Coffee Break, do your stuff." Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, crapped on the paper, had sex with the other three cats, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Workers Compensation and took the rest of the day off as sick leave.
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