Topic: Teenagers @ the Movies
started by: Newbie
Posted by Newbie on Jul. 30 2004,11:07 pm
My husband and I get to go to the movies together once every 3-6mnths. We wanted to see the The Village. We bought our tickets, had our drinks and popcorn found a seat and waited for the movie to start. The lights go down and the movie starts, I think. You see we couldn't hear anything with the 40 teenagers screaming "literally screaming", jumping on seats and being obnoxious. 
It's annoying when they talk on their cell phones during the movie too. So we got up went to the lobby and asked for our money back. The manager said she would talk to the teenagers and we explained that there were around 40. She said she would kick them out. Well we didn't need a riot. So we got passes to come back another time instead. I really wish parents would think before they come in and buy tickets so their kids can see rated R or PG13 movies if they aren't going to stay and watch it too. It is so disrespectful for the other people who know how to behave in a movie theater.
Posted by GEOKARJO on Jul. 30 2004,11:17 pm
Kids at the Mall is why I moved out of the Mall the stress factor was overwelming. Now my blood pressure is way down.
Posted by Newbie on Jul. 31 2004,9:22 am
Yes Geo, Some are out of control in the mall also. Why doesn't the mall have security on weekends? I think if these kids act up there should be consequences. A few weeks ago I almost got ran over by a couple tweens (11-12 yr olds) racing on the wheelchairs by shopko. When I told them to stop they told me to f@#% Off! What the he!! is wrong with kids today. I never did things like that.
Posted by GEOKARJO on Jul. 31 2004,9:30 am
What is wrong with kids today they need a kick in the arse like we got when their acting up.
Posted by jassum2001 on Jul. 31 2004,5:55 pm
yeah you could kick them in the "arse" but then they could take you to court, even if you're their parent, you can't discipline your kids.... i would just like to point out, that kids like to have fun too ... so don't always take it to heart... i realize they don't have any respect anymore
Posted by Ole1kanobe on Jul. 31 2004,9:52 pm
| Quote |
| When I told them to stop they told me to f@#% Off! What the he!! is wrong with kids today. |
Lack of parent's being able to discipline their children has been one of the most contributing factors to problems with kids these days. Kids can also take you to court (actually, it's not the kids that are taking you to court, it is the wonderful state government that we have been stuck with since it is very rare that a juvenile can file any type of charges) for just yelling at them. All they have to do is tell human services that mommy and daddy hurt their feelbads (and of course the child did nothing to deserve it) and the state will attempt to level charges against you and either remove your child(ren) from your home or throw you in jail.
One more downfall of this society that we tout to be the best on earth.
Posted by lisalisa on Aug. 01 2004,1:50 pm
I agree that many times teenagers (and pre-teens) are victims of weak parenting skills. I teach 8th grade and every year my students and I discuss appropriate behavior and good manners. Many of my students will admit to me that good manners are rarely taught in their homes. School is often where they are first introduced to the most basic of etiquette skills. A caveat to this is that our young people learn from example, and I have seen some horrible manners with the older adults in our community. Stop at Kwik Trip one day and listen to most people say "Gimme' a box of Marlboro Lights/ scratch tickets/ Power Ball. . ." No please, thank you or by your leave. Go to the Farmer's Market on a Wednesday afternoon and be prepared to be elbowed out of the way by a woman with a walker making a lunge at the last tomato. To teach manners we must exhibit them. Hold a door open once in a while for a young person. They'll look at you like you have two heads, but maybe they'll get the smallest of hints. Smile and say hello to the teens while you're walking around the lake one day. Take off your baseball cap before you sit down and eat at McDonalds. They're tiny steps, and may not make any difference, but you never know.
Posted by Frustrated on Aug. 02 2004,10:39 am
Listen to yourselves - sound like a bunch of old foggies. Kids today are doing the same things kids have always done. They are no different than we were...
Posted by Tiger on Aug. 02 2004,10:47 am
I am 25 and I wouldn't have ever told an elder to f#*k off. I don't think someone is an old foggie for expecting respect from teenagers. LisaLisa, I have noticed that when walking around the lake the teens try purposely to not have eye contact with you. I then make it a point to say hi to them and give them a smile.
Posted by GEOKARJO on Aug. 02 2004,10:52 am
No different your correct, but I got my ass spanked up till I was to big to get spanked, then I got backhanded. I tell my kid that they have responsiblities and they tell me I don't have a right to talk to them that way. I get screamed at cursed and hit but and I have to take it or have her in the juvenille court system, all it would do is make better at cheating and lying. I ground her she does what she wants. I tell her I disappointed she says who cares. Our school system teaches that behavior by telling the kids, if we use spanking or yell at them or use intemidation to make our point we could be arrested. I have often thought this and I am going to finally say it Someone with as much education as it takes to be a teacher should have been a parent first.
Posted by Newbie on Aug. 02 2004,12:19 pm
| Quote (Frustrated @ Aug. 02 2004,10:39:am) |
| Listen to yourselves - sound like a bunch of old foggies. Kids today are doing the same things kids have always done. They are no different than we were... |
I never acted like that. Going to the movies was a privilage not a right. That's the one of the problems with teens today. They think $ grows on trees and everything should be handed to them. In our home our girls are taught the differences between needs and wants, privilages and rights. Some of these parents are setting their kids up for financial failure raising them this way.
BTW I'm only 31
Posted by lisalisa on Aug. 02 2004,3:22 pm
Geo, maybe I misread your last post. But does your child actually screams at and hits you? My first year of teaching, I did have a student who was arrested for beating his mother. I have two children of my own, and I have spanked them on occassion, especially when they have done things that put them in danger. (Things that scare me in to reacting.) My kids are still quite young (6&4) so the serious power struggles have yet to arrive, and I'm sure they will. I do, however, believe that a parent can effectively discipline a child without getting "back handed", beaten, etc. As a teacher I have never told my students that their parents could be arrested if they spank or intimidate. Some teachers may, but none that I am aware of. I don't work in the AL school district, so things may be different here.
Posted by GEOKARJO on Aug. 02 2004,3:43 pm
I am not saying I would back hand my child that was how I was raised. It made me think twice about screwing up and doing things I knew was wrong. I just shake my head at my daughter and walk away.
Posted by lisalisa on Aug. 02 2004,4:05 pm
Sorry to beg the question, Geo. But does your child scream at and hit you? Does she disregard the punishments and boundaries you set down as a parent? While you're shaking your head and walking away, she's doing a victory dance behind your back.
Posted by GEOKARJO on Aug. 02 2004,4:12 pm
Yes she screams and hits I am a man, she is a young woman. 15 y/o. I have involved the church at this point and working with our paster, so save your advice she is the youngest of 8 of my children and I love her dearly. She grew as much an only child cause her siblings are much older.
Posted by lisalisa on Aug. 02 2004,4:24 pm
I am aware of your gender. Upon rereading my last post, I don't think I was giving any advice either. However, I do now realize that you are dealing with a lot more than the standard teenage angst. I hope that with the help of your family and the church you will be able to find a way to happily coexist. Parent/child situations like the one you're going through can be the most emotionally debilitating
Posted by Newbie on Aug. 02 2004,4:32 pm
Lisalisa- The school system here (al) does tell the children to call the police if they're parents are mean to them. I don't think they do a good enough job explaining the difference between discipline and abuse. I don't spank. I ground and take privilages away.
Posted by lisalisa on Aug. 02 2004,4:56 pm
Newbie -- As a teacher, I am a mandated reporter; I have to report any situation where I believe a child may be in danger. I have had a student come to class with a swollen ear because she claims she didn't get ready quickly enough for school and her mom threw an ashtray at her. I have had a student whose drunken father screamed "stupid little f**k" at PT conferences. You are 100% correct when you say kids need to be taught the difference between abuse and discipline. But is the classroom the first place it should be taught? Parents are primary educators and have the power to enforce or negate philosophy spouted out from a teacher, friend, etc.
Posted by Liberal on Aug. 02 2004,5:13 pm
Here's a Minnesota appeals court decision that went against a father that put a belt to his kids bare butt for not finishing his homework and acting up in school.< STATE OF MINNESOTA COURT OF APPEALS C9-01-1842 >
I would never do what this father did, but, I wouldn't consider it criminal either. I can see an ashtray to the head is clearly abuse, but, I'm not so sure about the leather belt. Where do you draw the line between discipline and abuse?
Posted by Newbie on Aug. 03 2004,12:39 am
My point Lisalisa; When parents doing our job at home, have schools take it upon themselves to make unclear statements about their definition of abuse and discipline it makes it harder on us to do our job right. We have to clear up any confusion the kids have and help them with trust issues. My kids don't act up in school. I'm not the parent you should be trying to convince. I have worked in the district and understand being a mandated reporter. In all honesty the kids that really need help don't get it and the ones who just want their way or attention take valuable time away from the ones that need the help and the people who are suppose to be giving the help. The system doesn't work. The parents can't be blamed for everything. Teachers spend 8hrs a day with our children. I think they have a lot of influence on them. Good and Bad.
Almost everything inappropriate or "bad" my kids have learned has been at school.
Posted by Frustrated on Aug. 03 2004,10:04 am
Liberal - The father in the court decision you cited hit his 7-year old hard enough with a belt that it left a large bruise still visable the next day. Clearly that was excessive punishment and probably abuse. The court was correct. Notice the father was jailed on other charges as well and hit his other child with a stick. He probably hit his wife too. I hope he has learned from the experience, but probably not. Hopefully, teachers and others will watch closely for further signs of abuse.
Posted by Ole1kanobe on Aug. 03 2004,2:53 pm
| Quote |
| The father in the court decision you cited hit his 7-year old hard enough with a belt that it left a large bruise still visable the next day. |
crap, that was a once a week event during the summer when I was growing up. I deserved it, but it taught me a valuable lesson; like don't play with matches out in the field or light your toy cars on fire for fun. It has taken all of these school shootings, in my opinion, to wake people up to see what is going on in the lives of our kids. How many of the parents thought they knew their kid until they found out they went on a shooting rampage?
How many parents here actually know what their kid(s) are doing when they are doing 'nothing' with their friends?
Posted by lisalisa on Aug. 03 2004,5:07 pm
"How many of the parents thought they knew their kid until they found out they went on a shooting rampage?"Answer: They were too busy finding sticks and belts with which to beat their children to care about knowing them.
Parents who get angry enough to beat their children usually raise angry children. Angry children grow into angry adults. These angry adults then complain on line about teenagers today and how much better their parents raised them. It's a viscious cycle
Posted by The Game on Aug. 03 2004,5:54 pm
Maybe they should try telling them that ( about authorities) at a later age. My GF kids threaten her with the police (8,8 and 7) just because she makes them clean their room or do chores or if she makes something for dinner THEY dont like. Its insane, but you cant help but chuckle.... back in the day if the kid called the cops over something stupid like that the kid would get a lecture from the cop.... Maybe I can have one come by and lecture them on behavior and respect. They get it at home, but God knows they dont get it at school.
Posted by The Game on Aug. 03 2004,6:02 pm
Answer: They were too busy finding sticks and belts with which to beat their children to care about knowing them.Man what a buch of bunk.... I can see it now... Sorry officer, I was looking for a switch to rip across my kids butt when he got home, I mean it wasnt like I was at work trying to make a house payment and car payment, ....Oh my wife? She was doing the same thing.... Yeah we know school lets out at 3:10, but unfortunatly work lets out at 5:30.
You want to point fingers, look at todays financial climate, look at what it takes to make a household and just make ends meet today.. Gone are the days of housewives, stay at home moms and such. I'm thankful my mom worked part time and spent the time with us. I got smacked when I deserved it and it sure didnt kill me. Sure am glad mom wasnt out searching for sticks and belts or I might have lit up my HS. (shuah right) I got a belt on a few occasions and I got the wooden spoon and although it hurt at the time I know I deserved it and I for one am glad I got it.
I'm gonna go have a cup of coffee and enjoy my happy healthy self!
Posted by spike on Aug. 03 2004,6:39 pm
| Quote (lisalisa @ Aug. 03 2004,5:07:pm) |
| "How many of the parents thought they knew their kid until they found out they went on a shooting rampage?" Answer: They were too busy finding sticks and belts with which to beat their children to care about knowing them. Parents who get angry enough to beat their children usually raise angry children. Angry children grow into angry adults. These angry adults then complain on line about teenagers today and how much better their parents raised them. It's a viscious cycle |
interesting take...
Posted by lisalisa on Aug. 03 2004,7:15 pm
The Game: Were you being disciplined for inappropriate behavior or were you being beaten and humiliated by a parent? From the way you sound, the "smack" was used to get your attention for the lecture you were about to get. Unfortunately, you cannot use your own childhood experiences as a litmus for parental discipline as a whole. Parents who use belts and the like are using something to inflict serious pain because they are to impotent to communicate their anger in a less violent way. Do you have any idea how hard you have to hit someone to leave a bruise? I am willing to bet your parents never left a mark on you.
Posted by The Game on Aug. 03 2004,8:10 pm
Oh it was for inappropriate behavior thats for sure, As I said, I deserved it and I don't hold anything against them. I did wrong and I deserved what I got. Yes the punishment fit the crime to incude the bloody nose I got from mom ( I ducked right into it, and no it wasnt a fist, just a back hand.) Cause and effect as well at rhyme and reason. I learned a lesson and it was well taught. and best part was I never did it again and I am not in jail today. As for the lecture, that was there too and I also learned from that. No marks or harsh bruises, but a few welts but they went away and again I learned my lesson.
Posted by GEOKARJO on Aug. 03 2004,9:39 pm
Lisa did school teach you your values or did your parents? Did school inform you you could have your parents arrested?
Did you throw that in your parents face when you were angry?
My daughters problem basically is her monthly friend. I have been told that B.C. would help her through it, But I'm not about to provide a reason for that undisiplined excuse, knowing school instructed her about the aids thing, as well as mother and I did. Let alone the preganacy issue. I will let her yell , Hit and let her scream till she gets through it.
The worst living condition is the world is being a man in a house full of women. :0
Posted by lisalisa on Aug. 03 2004,10:06 pm
When I was a pre-teen, my parents instilled the majority of values I practice today. My husband and I teach those same values to our own daughters. When I became a teenager, my peer's values became more important than what my parents tried to teach me. As a result, I made some horrible choices that still make me cringe when I think about them today. As I got older, I went back to the values that were more firmly instilled, Mom's and Dad's. No, my school (AL) did not tell me that I had any rights as a minor. They did, however, teach me a very valuable lesson. "Your opinion means dick! Unless you have facts that back up what you believe, shut the hell up." I think I'm going to have that embroidered on a sampler some day. It's almost lyrical. I am terribly sorry about your daughter's problems. It sounds like a storm that will be tough to weather. I have known parents who have daughter's with similar problems. (When I was 20, a friend of mine went so insane with her PMS that she tried to rip the doors off Donovan's Pub in KC. She told the police her problem when they arrived, and they practically ran back to their car in terror. Smart men.) I'm sure you already know this, but just in case, Mayo has an excellent teen depression clinic that specializes in family and individual counsuling combined with medicinal therapy. From what I have seen in my profession, it works well in many cases.
PS: My husband told me to tell you he feels you pain. He's the only man in the house and currently bears the marks of his daughters. . . pink toenails, and he can't find any polish remover!
Posted by GEOKARJO on Aug. 03 2004,10:49 pm
One of the kids recently moved out this last weekend into thier own apt. I never noticed it before ( I was aways afraid to go in that room for the fear of never finding my way out)I couldn't help but chuckle at sign hanging on his wall he had left behind that had been given to him when he was 15.
"Teenagers Hurry Up Get a Job Make Lots of Money and Move Out While You Still Know Everything"
Posted by p8ntball_junky on Aug. 04 2004,12:33 am
my god Lisa........has your teaching career made you forget what the difference is between a beaten and a spanking?? Everyone who has said, I always saw the back of my dad's hand when I did something wrong and BOY did I deserve it, or, when I did something wrong back in my day......my dad would bring out his belt.| Quote |
| The Game: Were you being disciplined for inappropriate behavior or were you being beaten and humiliated by a parent? |
I know teacher's are supposed to think outside of the box and have different point of views but jesus, do you have make everything in this thread sound like child abuse?? When I was a kid, when I ever I did something wrong......I got a spanking or a harsh 'NO!' or some kind of discipline that very SECOND I pulled that little stunt. I'm 18 today and I turned out to be a good kid. Never been in trouble with the law, have never done any drugs, only had the tinyest of tinyest sips of alcohol and everything else that an average kid has done. I'm glad I got a good lickin' when I did because it taught me to never do it again or I KNOW I would be getting 1,000 times worse the next time I did it. I honestly think that this whole thing about discipline by spanking and abuse has gone way out of hand. When I have kids, if they do something wrong they're gonna get that very second. If someone sees me, tough, it's called discipline. I know that everything you have said is your own opinion and thoughts but seriously.......open your eyes and get out of teacher mode.
Posted by lisalisa on Aug. 04 2004,8:01 am
P8ntballl -- I can see where you may think that I believe any form of physical punishment is child abuse. I don't mean to imply that. My children have been physically disciplined from time to time. They knew in advance what actions deserved spankings and swatted fingers. (Keep in mind they're only 4&6. Harsher punishments would not be appropriate at this age.) The majority of it is/was to get their attention, not to physically harm them. I would like to think that I would never have to use a belt on my child. Maybe it's a psychological thing, but when I think of a belt I think of rage. When I think of rage I think of a parent who is out of control. Yes, I know, there I great parents out there who have used belts as a form of discipline, but they're not the ones I get to meet. I get to meet the ones who get their power from the act of beating their child, not disciplining, not punishing or redirecting, but just beating.
Posted by GEOKARJO on Aug. 04 2004,6:20 pm
Have you seen my Daughter I droped her of at the ALBERT LEA HIGH SCHOOL front steps in the fall of 2003 and she never return what I got back is not my daughter.I called my daughter today and asked her if she would like to go have dinner at the fair with me, something we have done every year since she was 4 years old. She just lite into me like boyfriend she just caught cheating on her.
Posted by Ole1kanobe on Aug. 05 2004,9:16 am
Just because a parent chooses physical discipline over mental head-game discipline does not mean that that parent is beating their child. To me, mental abuse is far worse than physical abuse just in the fact that physical abuse affects people in a different manner than mental abuse.I guess my idea of beating is like my old neighbor's dad, when he came home mad and found something to gripe about, he would get out the cotton rope and whip his kids in front of everyone. To me that's abuse and humiliation, where just getting a belt (or a hand) across your butt once or twice when you screwed up and did something that you knew you shouldn't have is discipline.
As far as bruising goes, you can't use a blanket statement such as do you know how hard you have to hit (or be hit for that matter) to leave a bruise. I can bang my knee on my desk and leave a bruise. My son can hit is head on the side rail of his bed and get a bruise in his sleep or when he wants out, yet he won't cry and hasn't been beaten. That isn't even bringing up that fact that each and every person's body has a different tolerance level of when it will bruise. My wife bruises when she rests the laundry basket on her hip bone when she takes it downstairs the the laundry room, but I am not beating her.
I can understand your view, but I just don't think the whole bruise thing really holds water.
Posted by jassum2001 on Aug. 05 2004,11:00 pm
| Quote (GEOKARJO @ Aug. 02 2004,3:43:pm) |
| I am not saying I would back hand my child that was how I was raised. It made me think twice about screwing up and doing things I knew was wrong. I just shake my head at my daughter and walk away. |
for me, if i got "backhanded" or any other physical form of discipline (after a certain age) it just made me learn to be sneakier... just me tho
Posted by jassum2001 on Aug. 05 2004,11:04 pm
| Quote (Liberal @ Aug. 02 2004,5:13:pm) |
| Here's a Minnesota appeals court decision that went against a father that put a belt to his kids bare butt for not finishing his homework and acting up in school. < STATE OF MINNESOTA COURT OF APPEALS C9-01-1842 > I would never do what this father did, but, I wouldn't consider it criminal either. I can see an ashtray to the head is clearly abuse, but, I'm not so sure about the leather belt. Where do you draw the line between discipline and abuse? |
i think the line of abuse has to be drawn... if it leaves marks, you have obviously gone too far...
when i was growing up (which i am not quite done, i'm still VERY young) i was raised by my grandparents because my parents were on drugs (you might have read about my mother in the paper) and i was very rebellious, if they tried to ground me i didn't listen, when they got physical i got physical... they sent me away, i was in treatment, crossroads, help through the church, counseling, and medication... but nothing helped until i hit 18, then i "clicked" mostly because of the morals i was taught and the church ... i don't know whose daughter was out of control... but remember, even if it doesn't help now the information for her may come useful in the future... don't give up!
Posted by GEOKARJO on Aug. 06 2004,1:14 pm
I myself have only used the palm of my hand to the fully clothed buttox. I would have the child lay accross the arm of the couch. To me abuse is grabbing the child and striking.
A disciplined act of spanking should be observed.
Example My daughter was not were she was suppose to be and her mother was looking all over town for her she was 11 years old she had done this twice in a week. scolding and grounding was not acheiving the desired discipline.
I was at home when she came home I asked her where she had been why was she not where she should have been.
Her answer was unacceptable and this being the second offense I told her she was going to be spanked. I calmly told her to lay over the arm of the couch by this time she was crying promising to never do it again.
I told her it was to late for that. so she lay over the arm ove the couch and I barely made contact with her bottem and she just let out a cry that you would of thought I had just locked up her Barbie Dolls again.
She has since always been where she says she is going never never comes home late.
Posted by ICU812 on Aug. 06 2004,1:38 pm
When my nephew acts up I grab his hand and pull it within inches of an outlet and threaten to electrocute him. It sounds cruel but it does the trick. Another one that works in the car if he acts up is to pull over and kick him out of the car and drive off. I usually only have to drive about 100 ft and when he gets back in he listens and obeys great. And my favorite one to pull on him is to tell him we are going to the park, but when we get there I play on the equipment and make him watch me play. All of the above has never been done by me to him, I just felt like bullschmidting for a minute. He is a good kid with good parents and that is what it takes.
Posted by Scurvy Dog on Aug. 06 2004,1:54 pm
As Denis Leary said about discipling children: I've always found that waving the gun around does the trick.
Posted by GEOKARJO on Aug. 06 2004,2:58 pm
When she came home with her tounge pierced I should have had her layover the arm of the sofa, but once you have pierced your tongue there is no reason to do it again.
Posted by Mamma on Aug. 07 2004,7:24 am
Does your daughter have a job? If not, did you fund her piercing? If you or your exwife funded her piercing and don't approve of it, then maybe she has more money than she needs. It could be she needs a lesson in what is necessary and what is not. When my kids were growing up I let them know what was appropriate and what wasn't. I told them what the consequences were for acting up and then followed through. I never made an idle threat. I bought them what they needed and they were responsible for earning the money to take care of what they "wanted". I found it worked out quite well, they rarely wasted "their" money. The same thing applied when they went off to college. I paid for everything but the tuition for their first year. I figured if they decided to party and have a good time, they weren't doing it on my money. They all graduated in 4 years or less and were all involved in campus activities. To this day they are all in involved in their communities. I think that being responsible starts when they are young. At 15 or 16 it is way too late.
Posted by say_it_like_it_is on Aug. 18 2004,9:26 pm
WOW, I have been reading all this on this one post! 
So many opinion's and disagreements...gee! I agree that a kid still needs a old fashioned spanking at times....and there is nothing wrong with that...it was good enough for my parents when I was younger!!! I was given away at a very young age due to Abuse! My mother used to take punishment to the next level....When I was adopted I still got spanked but it was much better then what I had went through with MY REAL MOM! There is nothing wrong with us telling our kids.....things are not right! YOU WILL BE SPANKED! Heck may sound funny...but now a days..that dont even scare kids! hahah!
Posted by busybee on Aug. 21 2004,12:13 am
I am not a big advocate for spanking children. Why? Many of you may think that what's wrong with children is the fact their parents don't spank them, therefore that's why their "naughty." Whether or not a child is spanked isn't what "causes" them to be good. A spanking isn't a REAL consequence. A real consequence goes much deeper than a swat on the behind. Consequences are about respecting people, learning the difference between right a wrong. A spanking doesn't do that. A responsible parent teaches that by EXAMPLE, by taking things away when children don't listen, by rewarding when children do listen. When children get to old to spank, what then? Don't parents then have to change their form of discipline? It's pretty difficult to spank a 16 year old and have it be effective. I really believe that if parents can't get their child's attention, or get them to listen with out swatting them on the back side, then the parent isn't doing a good enough job communicating with that child and most certainly hasn't even begun to teach their children to respect them. Further, to say that all children who are spanked are the good children because they were spanked isn't fair to the children who are out there who aren't spanked and are good kids! I know many children who are good and they don't get spankings.
Posted by Tiger on Aug. 21 2004,9:10 am
Busybee, I too agree that spanking a 16 year old is ridiculous. However, someone posted that when children are young, spanking is usually to get their attention when they have done something that may be harmful to themselves or others. I have to agree with that. My girlfriend has a 4 year old and the few times she has "spanked" her it is to get her attention.
Posted by busybee on Aug. 21 2004,10:16 am
I have four children and one is 3 1/2. She has yet to get a spanking. Has she been in situations that are harmful to her, yes. I consider it my job to make sure that she is safe, swatting her on the behind doesn't teach her to stay safe. Keeping a close eye on her at all times, redirecting her when she's approaching something that could be harmful is what I have found is best, along with explaining the reason why. I know of parents who claim that they've had to spank their child to get their attention from running into the road. Obviously, if you're able to spank them, you've made it in time to keep them from running into the road. How many parents would run after their child and spank them before they grab them from getting hit by a car? What's wrong with using a firm voice and taking that child into the house for a form of discipline if they didn't listen the first time? As far as children doing something harmful to others and needing to be spanked to get their attention, once again, it's the parent's job to prevent that from happening by being in close watch. If you've made it in time to prevent a child that perhaps is planning on throwing a toy at another child, taking the toy away, removing that child from the area for a time and so forth is effective. I guess what I'm trying to say is, young children when in harmful situations to themselves or others are typically physically touched to begin with because how else do you prevent it? Any parent who doesn't get their child's attention by using a firm and sometimes loud voice will go to their child and physically remove them from a harmful situation. Spanking is an after-thought.
Posted by Tiger on Aug. 21 2004,10:40 am
Busy-bee, you must be wonder woman or something. If you have four children of your own and have an eye on them at all times is amazing. Not to mention if one or more of them have a friend over. Wow, how do you do it! Furthermore, by having four children you also know that things can happen in the blink of an eye with children. Do you always get their in time to prevent the situation?
Posted by busybee on Aug. 22 2004,1:45 am
There are different situations that require different levels of supervision. I thought YOU WERE referencing harmful to themselves or others situations with young children. So, that's what I was referring to in my post. I was in no means stating that I am super woman and have the ability to keep an eye on all of my children all of the time. I was trying to show examples of other ways than spanking to gain a child's attention and follow through to teach responsibility for their own safety and others. No. I don't get there in time for every situation. Neither will a parent who spanks their child.
Posted by Paul Harvey on Aug. 23 2004,5:52 am
When one talks about spanking a 16 year old girls bottom...and it's her on daddy!...well lets just say that's more akin to sexual abuse or incest than discipline.
Posted by Tiger on Aug. 23 2004,9:16 am
Busybee, everyone disciplines differently. I don't think it is fair to imply that because a parent chooses to spank a child makes them a unsatisfactory parent. You feel the way you discipline is fair for your children and I respect others decisions on how to discipline their children. I am not yet a parent and don't have first hand experience with disciplining my own children. However, when I do, if I feel a spanking is in order I don't want to have to worry about someone claiming "abuse!"
Posted by GEOKARJO on Aug. 23 2004,9:19 am
Paul harvey bring it on buddy, you have earned an old fashion ass kickin and I am ready to do it. Quit hiding behind this forum and show your face. Chicken crap.
Posted by Frustrated on Aug. 23 2004,9:36 am
Sorry, Geo, but I agree with Paul Harvey - You ought not be spanking your 16 year old daughter.
Posted by GEOKARJO on Aug. 23 2004,10:04 am
| Quote (GEOKARJO @ Aug. 06 2004,2:58:pm) |
| When she came home with her tounge pierced I should have had her layover the arm of the sofa, but once you have pierced your tongue there is no reason to do it again. |
I only vented a feeling not actually did it. So what are you agreeing to the fact I told her no for two years and she did it anyway by god knows who. No I just shook my head and walked away but now she has free roam to do what ever the hell she wants cause now she knows I am not going to do anything about it.
Posted by Paul Harvey on Aug. 23 2004,11:45 am
That's what ya get for thinking you were all cool and stuff.
Posted by busybee on Aug. 23 2004,1:15 pm
Tiger, I am not implying that parents who spank are not good parents. I have only offered alternatives for young children because I really do believe that spanking a young child is a waste of time in the long run because it isn't a consequence that can be used when a child grows into a young adult. Most parents have thier children until they're 18 years old and are responsible for teaching the difference between right and wrong. Guiding them to make good choices for themselves. Even toddlers can be redirected or removed from a situation to gain their attention to begin their learning process. I'm the type of parent who wants my children to fear disappointing me, fear losing a priviledge and work towards priviledges, by being responsible for their behavior and honest. As a parent I haven't found that a spanking is necessary to do this. Having a teenage boy who is just as tall as me, I would really be in trouble if I had to swat him on the back side to get him to pay attention to me and be responsible for his behavior. Tiger, do you actually know how many parents have gotten into trouble for spanking their children? Do you realize how difficult it is to get a child removed from a home where there actually is abuse occuring? I don't think it's fair that you claim that parents who spank their children are charged with abuse. It's just not so. Children who get removed from homes are typically children who have had extensive abuse with a history to back it. Children are rarely removed because they get spanked. As long as there is no bruising, that's not abuse. A parent can pull their child's hair, pinch, yank their arms, poke, slap, throw them, but if their's not a history of markings/bruising/missing hair, that's not abuse.
Posted by Tiger on Aug. 24 2004,8:37 am
I do in fact know how difficult it is to have a child removed when "abuse" is actually occurring. My Mom works in the school district and sees signs all the time. These signs are recorded and there must be a record a mile long before anything happens. It is sad! Some of these kids need help and because they have't ended up in the hospital or something everyone just keeps "recording" the signs. I was referring to a personal situation when I said others might claim "abuse." A few years ago a friend was at the city beach and her 4 year old was acting out so she grabbed her by the arm and was marching back to the car when a woman accused her of "abuse" and told her she was going to turn her in. That is my fear that parents will be so worried about how others view their form of discipline that they will no longer have a choice. Notice the word choice. I respect your choice to discipline your children the way you see fit and it seems to be working for you. I also don't see anything wrong with a child getting a swat on the hand or behind when the parent sees fit.
Posted by Paul Harvey on Aug. 25 2004,9:03 am
It should be difficult. We don't want kids removed from parents easily.
Posted by Tiger on Aug. 25 2004,9:22 am
I don't think it should be easy Paul. But when there is an obvious sign of abuse I think it should be immediately investigated. The severity of the sign should stand for something not just the number of times it (a sign) has been recorded.
Posted by Paul Harvey on Aug. 25 2004,9:48 am
Define obvious signs.
Posted by Tiger on Aug. 25 2004,10:36 am
Begging to stay after school so they don't have to go home. Continuous bruising. Use your head Paul, I think you know what obvious signs are.